You might be instinctively holding a grudge against someone who has done you wrong. Yet, without realising it, it’s YOU who is paying the penalty.
In New Zealand there are plenty of reasons of why you might be harbouring a deep hurt or have a need for revenge. After all the Ministry of Justice say that sadly, one in three girls and one in seven boys will have been subjected to unwanted sexual contact, by the time they are just sixteen.
Then as an adult, the New Zealand Family Violence Clearinghouse states that one in three women have experienced physical and/or sexual violence from a partner in their lifetime. And according to the 2020 NZCVS, about 29% of adults in New Zealand experienced some form of crime in the previous 12 months. This survey covers a range of offenses, including theft, burglary, assault, and more.
There are plenty of reasons why you might justifiably want to keep the thoughts alive in wanting to ‘get back’ at the person. Few more-so than the iconic Nelson Mandella, jailed for twenty-seven years for no good reason. Yet Mandella said, as he left the gates of his incarceration behind, “I know that if I don’t leave the thoughts of bitterness and hatred behind, I will still be a prisoner”.
Marie DeJong said in a speech last week in Auckland “Bitterness is like a disease. It’s a poison that will eat away at your heart. It’s like drinking that poison and hoping the other person will die”.
Sure, the experiences we have will help make us wiser and more aware and discerning as we progress through life. But we need to let go. We need to ‘forgive people’, free them from our subconscious hold and move ahead with the rest of our lives.
This week’s newsletter can be found here
